Still Here. Still Standing. Still You.
Reputation isn’t just built on victories—it’s often tested in the quiet moments. You know those moments when the invitations stop coming, the meetings you once led now happen without you, and your contributions are quietly erased? For neurodivergent individuals, particularly those with ADHD, these subtle shifts can feel amplified. When you’re already navigating a world that doesn’t always accommodate your neurodivergent brain, these quiet acts of undermining can be especially disorienting and isolating. You didn’t make a dramatic mistake; you just stood for something, and that was enough to be pushed out.
This article takes a deep dive into understanding undermining. It’s the art of shifting a narrative without direct confrontation. The damage happens slowly, like a drip of water wearing down stone. Before you realize it, you’re no longer part of the story you were so deeply invested in.
The Whispers That Replace Words
Many have felt that subtle shift—the whispers that replace your voice in the room. For those with ADHD, this may be even more noticeable. The internal dialogue that often accompanies ADHD, filled with self-reflection and heightened awareness of exclusion, can make these moments feel like a punch in the gut. One day, your ideas are shared with excitement. The next, they’re just a part of someone else’s narrative. And then, the whispers begin. You start hearing things: “Have you noticed [your name] hasn’t been around much lately?” You know something has shifted, but without clear confrontation, it’s hard to articulate what exactly is happening.
This isn’t just a story about career survival; it’s about the invisible toll that undermining takes. There are no sharp criticisms or loud confrontations. Instead, you simply stop being seen. For neurodivergent people, especially those with ADHD, this lack of recognition can feel like a deep wound. You are acutely aware of the shift, even if others aren’t.
What Undermining Looks Like IRL
Undermining takes many forms, but its common thread is invisibility. For individuals with ADHD, whose working memory or organizational skills might differ from others, this invisibility can be more noticeable. It’s the meetings you’re excluded from, but only find out after the fact. It’s when feedback you’ve given is ignored, and the same advice is praised when it comes from someone else’s mouth. This quiet undermining doesn’t just hurt professionally—it creates a cognitive and emotional dissonance that is hard to navigate. Your brain is hyper-aware of the inconsistency, which only adds to the confusion.
These are the tactics that eat away at confidence, leaving professionals questioning their worth. Yet, undermining isn’t loud; it’s the absence of recognition. And often, it’s much harder to prove.
It’s not about pointing to a glaring moment; it’s about the slow, invisible erosion of your place in the team. For someone with ADHD, who may already struggle with feeling “invisible” in professional settings, this quiet undermining can be emotionally draining.
Why It’s Hard to Prove—but Easy to Feel
You may not be able to prove undermining, but you sure can feel it, especially if you have ADHD. ADHD can make social cues and patterns harder to follow, leading to feelings of confusion and isolation when subtle dynamics shift. It’s not always clear why you feel erased, but the emotional toll is real. ADHD brains process rejection and exclusion in ways that can sometimes be more intense, making it harder to recover from such instances without the right tools or support.
When you’re excluded from key conversations or opportunities, it’s more than a logistical setback; it’s a personal one. And for those of us with ADHD, that sense of exclusion can feel even more overwhelming, as it often triggers deep feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt. The brain’s heightened sensitivity to perceived rejection or neglect can make these moments feel magnified. But it’s hard to point at a singular event and say, “This is what happened.” That’s why undermining often feels like a gray cloud—constantly looming but rarely identified. It’s this subtlety that makes it so dangerous.
Navigating the Confusion with Clarity
If this post resonates with you, know that you’re not imagining things. Neurodivergent individuals, especially those with ADHD, can often feel like they’re operating in a world that doesn’t quite get them. Navigating the confusion requires self-compassion and a methodical approach—keep a journal, track your feelings, and recognize that your emotions and frustrations are valid. ADHD can make it difficult to feel grounded in these situations, but reclaiming your sense of clarity is possible.
The first action? Pause. Reflect on the changes you’ve noticed. Keep a journal of instances where you feel undermined. This isn’t about playing the victim—it’s about giving yourself a factual base for what’s happening. Seek clarity by identifying specific moments, instead of general feelings. From there, you can begin to piece together the bigger picture.
XO,
Kiki Meyers
CEO & Cofounder, Right Meow
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